Desire & Fear

When I was meditating last night,
I was working with Buddha in a way we often do together:
in a flow of God's Energy,
utilizing a meditation technique my tradition calls 'body of glass' (consciously letting go / being willing to release and asking / allowing God to wash away my attachments and resistances – which in the language of this prayer below, are closely related to desire and fear : )

This prayer below was brought to mind. I meant to look it up today, but ended up 'coincidentally' stumbling upon it. I plan to use it in my meditations today; it covers several areas in which I still have plenty of ‘sticky points’.

I enjoyed a Really blessed meditation last night (not Always the case ; )
Then spoke briefly with my close friend Scott on the phone, in a very self-validating place.
God has been working with me deeply lately around trusting God.
I am noticing a marked difference in myself in this trip. From my perspective, this process of trusting God more deeply is effecting my NJ trip very positively:
- with less need for control,
- and a deeper ability to let go of 'perfect pictures' (having to live up to certain ideals, ethics, using a lot of effort to try to be ‘perfect'! ; )
- so I can go with the flow more – which is more comfortable and efficacious and fun for me and everyone around me ; )

This course of events, put me in an optimal place to handle the challenges that came next, gracefully - I received a couple e-mails that occur as ‘bumps in the road’ in my ministry. Feels good when I am 'in the flow' - I may not Like everything that happens, but it feels peaceful and solid to Trust the process...

Blessings, and the gift of trusting God more and more deeply to all!



Deliver me, O Jesus,

From the desire of being loved,

From the desire of being extolled,

From the desire of being honored,

From the desire of being praised,

From the desire of being preferred,

From the desire of being consulted,

From the desire of being approved,

From the desire of being popular,

From the fear of being humiliated,

From the fear of being despised,

From the fear of suffering rebuked,

From the fear of being calumniated,

From the fear of being forgotten,

From the fear of being wronged,

From the fear of being ridiculed,

From the fear of being suspected.

- Mother Teresa, in `Mother Teresa, A Simple Path'



This prayer has been associated with Mother Teresa, because it was a prayer she utilized regularly.

But, it was written by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930), the secretary of state for Pope Saint Pius X. Below is what I believe is the original version.

(btw, calumniate - To make maliciously or knowingly false statements about.)



Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.



That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Energy/Money Exchange

Today I participated in a FB conversation which started with the question "Why don't we, all of us, decide who gets paid what according to how much one contributes to the whole of humanity, rather than the other way around?" This is what is on my mind regarding that today:

Until recently, I have worked under a 'suggested donation' model in my ministry. I have noticed in the last few years, even though I encourage folks how important it is to 'ask' so we can receive, and overcome limits, and consciously co-create for themselves, etc - and I actively lead with 'I never let money stand in the way' of my students. I am forthright about things I need besides money: to utilize barter, referrals, etc to balance energy exchange. Still, often folks don't talk to me about compensation, and don't participate in classes and personal sessions, allegedly because of money concerns.

I have learned from this in my own life, to talk to people about how much to pay them. For example I made a deal with my body worker which feels very good to both of us. Sometimes I end up paying him a little less than he would get from a usual client, sometimes I end up paying him more than he would ask for a particular treatment. We both feel very good about our work together, we are inspired to be generous with each other, and both feel we are getting well compensated for what we are each investing. This has shown my how well this kind of open-hearted communication / compensation works.

I recently started operating according to 'gift economy' in my ministry. (I ask folks to gift "me an amount that feels good and right and fair to them, that they can afford, and that they can give joyfully") I was inspired to this by my friend Tree who has been operating like this for a long time - she has a nice overview here.

I have been amazed how much I am enjoying this change, and the energy has definitely shifted my ministry, very positively.

My point, relative to your question is: we Can each decide in our every-day life (on the micro-level, which affects the macro-level) who gets paid what, for what. I plan to incorporate this more and more in my life. It is a very empowering, conscious way to live. And I believe it Will change how our bigger social systems work, as more of us change the way we individually relate to money, compensation, balancing energy-exchange between us...

He kept on learning and growing and working

I learned yesterday that Vincent van Gogh created the 4th highest priced painting ever - 1990 for $134.6 million (adjusted for comparison to 2009 dollars). 6 of his paintings are in the top 30 highest paid ever.

BUT, while he lived, he sold one painting in his whole life - ONE, for not a lot...

He was very poor, supported by his dear brother - the only solid relationship in his life, it seems.

He was a master, standing in the light - which was just too much for him to take! With (almost) no love for himself as a person and (almost) no outside validation of his work. And he kept on learning and growing and working, until he couldn't do it no more.

God bless him, IDK how he got so far; so very far with so very little from the outside...

I come away from this encounter very grateful for the much (which sometimes seems like Not Enough!! : ) outside love and validation I receive.

Wow I am encouraged to keep going! I hope you are too!