I was raised Catholic. I had some mystical experiences, but when i was confirmed at ~13, it seemed all smoke and mirrors - there was no spiritual presence or power in the (vestigial) arm-waving of the Bishop.
I loved science and became quite a rationalist - family, friends and priest didn't like it, but they said or did nothing that convinced me else-wise. I wasn't a jerk about it - I just believed and still do experience: it Really Matters if Spirit is real or not; and it is a sad thing to just go along with the pack, because spiritual-reality or the lack-thereof, changes everything!
So anyway, I spent the middle of my teens an agnostic - and actually I remain an intellectual agnostic, because I don't think there is any compelling rational reason to believe in God, or not to believe in God. Fortunately I now understand that God is Spirit and must be met spiritually, not with physical body/mind. So, I am blessed to be a mystic agnostic : )
How did this happen?
When I was 17, I was fortunate to connect with a bunch of friends through Girl Scouting, who had a house church, they loved each other and they loved God. God was real to them and they were each in their own unique relationship with God. I saw and experienced the reality of spirit and love of God palpably, so I opened to my own direct relationship with God - and life has never been the same.
It was then I was baptized in the Spirit, and the only way I saw to do this was to to give my rational brain to God. We enjoyed a glorious honeymoon, but then after a year or two, God gave my brain back - and I went back to a more challenging reality: I had to learn to disambiguate as well as honor and integrate body/mind and spirit... and many other things ; )
That was over 30 years ago. God and I have been in many mountains and valleys, many iterations and understandings: Deepening, Healing, Transforming, Enlightening. Much of this has been challenging - because I have a tendency to add a lot of unnecessary friction to the system ; )
- but the fruit is incomparable.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
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